


Don't Have the Right (To Ask Where You Go at Night)

by iktwabrokenbone (apiculteur)



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, no real sex scenes just like the build up?? im bad at smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 12:29:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6704626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apiculteur/pseuds/iktwabrokenbone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two guys spending so much time together was always going to end up with them knowing almost too much about each other. For example, Tyler knew what Josh's moans sounded like. They jerked off sometimes, they lived in close quarters- they tried to muffle the sounds, or wait until they thought the other was asleep, but it wasn't foolproof. Sometimes, Tyler ended up hearing Josh jerk himself off, and Tyler was sure Josh could say the same for Tyler. That was fine.</p><p>Perhaps, what made it not so fine, was that the moans turned Tyler on.</p><p>(Or, Josh and Tyler are friends with benefits, and Tyler can't help but want Josh to be <i>his boy</i> and no one else's.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Have the Right (To Ask Where You Go at Night)

**Author's Note:**

> my knowledge of capitalisation in titles is p darn questionable. also this song is based off a song called [genghis khan by miike snow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_SlAzsXa7E) which is a quality joshler song w a gay video.
> 
> aLso this whole fic was amazingly betad by the talented [marsakat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat) who does their own writing which u could check out!!! honestly they made this whole thing so much better god bless tysm :")))

Two guys spending so much time together was always going to end up with them knowing almost too much about each other. For example, Tyler knew what Josh's moans sounded like. They jerked off sometimes, they lived in close quarters- they tried to muffle the sounds, or wait until they thought the other was asleep, but it wasn't foolproof. Sometimes, Tyler ended up hearing Josh jerk himself off, and Tyler was sure Josh could say the same for Tyler. That was fine.

Perhaps, what made it not so fine, was that the moans turned Tyler on. He was a queer guy going for months without sex, and Josh was an attractive bisexual guy jerking off mere feet away from Tyler. It made sense, really. It wasn't that weird if he listened in sometimes.

It was a late night on the tour bus. Every night on the tour bus was late. It was a miracle if he slept before two in the morning, and not uncommon if he stayed up as late as five. His sleep schedule was always a mess on the road, but he didn’t mind it. It was a small price to pay for the life he had: playing music with his best friend across the world, meeting people who gave him meaning. Besides, they had time off tour where they could try to find normality if they wanted.

Now was a time for sweaty skin followed by sleepless nights. They had finished their show, met some of their supporters, and retreated back to the bus, ready to attempt sleep. It was never easy after the adrenaline rush of a show, so Tyler and Josh ended up as the only ones awake. Both of them were tired from physical and emotional exertion, topped with a couple of sugar crashes from all the candy they had ate an hour ago, yet unable to get any rest.

To Tyler’s right, Josh cuddled himself in the corner of the couch. He had put down his phone and tilted his head back against a cushion, showing off his neck. There was the beginnings of a beard shading his jaw, and some hair still clung to his forehead, half-damp, from the shower he’d had over an hour ago. Tyler didn’t find it strange to admire how beautiful his friend looked. Of course he thought Josh was beautiful. They were best friends.

There was something more sexual underlying it, which Tyler didn’t have quite the same unabashed attitude towards expressing. Appreciation was one thing, attraction was another, and when he was near Josh, Tyler danced the line between the two.

It was probably something he shouldn’t explore, but no one had ever complimented him on his excess of restraint, and he was feeling horny (not that he would tell Josh that).

"Dude, would you ever have sex with me? Am I your type?" Tyler asked, more as a joke than anything.

Josh looked over to him with a laugh, taking in his friend, who had begun to slump against his side, shirtless. "You're definitely my type, Ty, I'd totally have sex with you."

Tyler giggled, placing a hand over his heart. "That's so sweet," he said, then turned his head to face Josh more. "Would you for real though?"

For a good few seconds, their gaze met, both with a playful smile on their lips. "Yeah, why not?"

"Are you offering? 'Cause, like, if you are, I'd be down." Tyler hadn't intended to suggest they have sex, and yet here he was. If Josh reacted badly, he would say it was a joke and hope that it would sound believable.

As the silence carried on too long, Tyler opened his mouth to say something. He couldn’t quite get out any word before Josh was brushing his fingers against Tyler's thigh, which quickly progressed to Josh sucking on Tyler’s collarbone, one hand running up Tyler’s bare sides, then down to tease Tyler’s cock.

Fifteen minutes of Josh panting and grinding in his lap, eventually getting his dick out and jerking himself off as Tyler rubbed against Josh's ass, and they both came. They were left out of breath, half naked, and covered in their own come. It was not, perhaps, the most elegant sex Tyler had ever had, but he couldn't deny his enjoyment.

Josh was beautiful, even more so when he was moaning, unashamed.

***

They didn't mention it until they had exchanged blow jobs a few days later, and then Tyler had rimmed Josh until he came the day after that. Tyler was the one who brought it up- "Is this going to be a regular thing?"- and they decided rules had to be established.

"We gotta start wearing protection," Tyler said, and Josh nodded firmly.

"What about, uh, other people? Can we see other people?" Josh asked, and Tyler held back his frown.

"Yeah. As long as we always wear protection, sure," Tyler agreed. That was the last thing he wanted to agree to; of course he didn’t want to get any STDs, but it was the thought of Josh with other people that bothered him.

No, that wasn’t the part which left his stomach sunken. It was that Josh had felt the need to ask, already deciding he would need more than just Tyler when this thing had barely started. Weren’t they doing this because it was the most discreet and easy way to have sex, without the risk of being seen by fans or outed? Not being exclusive just defeated the reason they were doing any of this.

Tyler didn’t complain. It wasn’t his business what Josh did with anyone else.

***

Even after they established it was okay to have sex with other people, Tyler didn’t so much as try to pick up anyone. Why would he? On tour, Josh would always be with him, and now he had even gotten a house in Columbus. Picking people up in bars was never something Tyler had been a fan of, and now they had the band going, it only made it less appealing. Even though they weren’t that famous, he was always concerned that he would end up hooking up with some guy who recognised him, and then he would be rushed out of the closet. Even if it was a girl he picked up, there was still the concern that she would do _something_ to ruin his reputation.

Anyway, it wasn’t so much that he was ashamed or even that afraid to come out, but he hadn’t been out when the band had started, and it seemed like the longer he stayed closeted, the bigger the deal it would be. He would get around to it, at some point, but it would be on his terms. He didn’t want to have to worry about some one-night stand doing it for him.

So, yeah, this thing he and Josh had made sense. No need to worry about coming out, he could have sex with an attractive guy pretty much whenever he wanted, and there were no awkward morning-afters. It took a lot to make things uncomfortable between the two of them, and since they had started this whole thing, nothing had changed.

Tyler wasn’t quite sure if Josh was having sex with other people- the thought made him lurch, anxiety or jealousy or fear or something else. He wasn’t sure what he made him feel, but he knew he didn’t wanted to it. There was the concern of STIs, of course, but he couldn’t fool himself into thinking it was only that. They wore condoms, Josh was careful. It was more the thought that Josh was having sex with someone else- it was the exact thing he shouldn’t care about, but it was what bothered him most.

If he wanted to be logical, he knew he would quite quickly find himself circling back to one answer: he had a crush on Josh. And, because Tyler was doomed to forever make mistakes and end up in frustrating situations, he knew this was true. A crush on Josh. Tyler couldn’t even say that nobody saw it coming. Half their fan base had already either predicted or imagined it, and with the way Tyler got jealous over people ‘stealing’ Josh from him, Tyler could only be amazed he hadn’t figured it out sooner.

Like, for instance, before he committed to having casual sex with Josh. That would have been a great time for him to realise his feelings, instead of now. Was he screwing Josh or himself when they had sex?

Tyler was leaning towards the answer being ‘himself’.

***

One thing they absolutely did not do was kiss. This rule had not been established by either of them, but Tyler had always resisted the urge, and Josh seemed to have no urge to do it at all. Josh would moan as Tyler covered him in marks (hickeys all over his chest and shoulders, bright red prints of Tyler’s hands on his hips) but there was never a point when, with Tyler centimetres away from his face, Josh would lean up to kiss him. It just didn’t happen.

After sex, Josh would welcome Tyler resting his head on Josh’s chest, even wrapped his arm around Tyler or played with his hands. But the problem was that they didn’t kiss, and all these lovely, adorable, pseudo-romantic things they did meant nothing, because they had often enough brushed away things like this as platonic. The fact that they were, in this case, naked after having just had sex, might make no difference to Josh.

Never before had Tyler been frustrated by how physically close the two of them were. The past two months had been enlightening, to say the least.

Despite it all, Tyler couldn’t bring himself to regret learning all of Josh’s body: the sweetness of his skin, the melody of his moans, the way his hands wavered over Tyler’s skin (warm, worshipping). Perhaps it was difficult to deal with being so close to romance, yet left all too aware that this was still just a friendship, but Tyler enjoyed this affair too much to care. It was somewhat pathetic that what he had with Josh right now was better than any relationship he’d ever had.

***

“So, a lot of people speculate that the two of you might be in a sort of romantic relationship with each other. Care to give us any insight on that?”

Tyler and Josh both laughed, meeting eyes to calculate how the other wanted them to respond.

“Could we just answer that with, like, ‘no, we don’t wanna give you any insight’?” Tyler asked. In all honesty, Tyler was the one who wanted to know what was happening between them.

The interviewer laughed, and shrugged. “You can answer however you want! But, hey, they might get ideas…” They trailed off, raising an eyebrow like they were trying to tempt the truth out of them.

“I’m pretty sure we’ve already given them ideas,” Josh said, and Tyler took his hand, winding together their fingers like they were a real couple. They both giggled, and the interviewer joined in with the type of laughter that said they didn’t quite understand, but found it funny nonetheless.

Still confused, the interviewer moved on. Tyler didn’t stop holding Josh’s hand for the rest of the interview, and Josh never tried to pull away, only shifted closer and adjusted the grip to make it more comfortable.

***

Usually, it was fine for Tyler. Usually, he could pretend they were friends and nothing more, but they were on a double date (as friends) with Jenna and her new girlfriend, Debby. At times like this it was so easy to feel like he and Josh were something more. Too often, it was easy, because they held hands and hugged and cuddled and joked too much about being together, but it was even easier now. It didn’t help that Jenna’s date commented upon how cute they were together, before blushing bright and apologising when Jenna laughed and explained they were just friends.

Tyler wanted to be more than friends. They were sharing a plate of sushi, Josh laughing at Tyler for not being able to use chopsticks, and it would be so easy to kiss him. He would taste of prawns and soy sauce and wasabi, and they would giggle and turn back to their meals and their jokes, and Jenna and Debby wouldn’t comment upon it because they would be used to it.

But they were not dating. They weren’t holding hands under the table, pressed thigh-to-thigh. They didn’t share kisses. Yet in every other way, it felt like they were dating. It was almost too much for Tyler, but he liked having sex with Josh too much to stop himself. As much as it tortured him, he liked being able to pretend they were together.

If Jenna knew, she would tell him off for all of this. He was toying with himself.

***

This time was different. This time, there were hands on Tyler’s ass, bringing him ever closer to Josh, even when their chests and thighs and crotches were already touching, and Josh didn’t stop there. This time, their faces were close enough that Tyler had to stare directly at Josh’s face (soft, open, nervous) and his instinct was telling him to let his eyes slip shut and lean in. He would hardly even have to lean. At this point, he could lift his chin and that would be enough to close the gap between them.

Both of them breathing like this was heating up Tyler’s face, and in the few seconds they had spent this way, Tyler was sure the warmth (and want) had already coloured him pink. For that, he was thankful. Sex was something they could do, but kissing was a grey area, and Tyler didn’t want Josh to know how much he longed to kiss him. Kissing meant romance. What they had was sex.

There was the sound of Josh breathing in particularly deep, joined by the sensation of Josh’s chest expanding, and then there were lips on Tyler’s.

He had been right- Josh had only lifted his chin to make their lips meet. What started as dry lips pressed together, testing out the feeling of each other, moved smoothly onto open-mouthed contact. Josh allowed Tyler to suck and bite at his lower lip, and Tyler took control now that it had been offered to him.

Josh let Tyler move this situation along however he wanted (unzipping Josh’s trousers, falling to his knees to suck Josh’s cock, stripping him down to nothing before they moved to Josh’s bedroom. They kissed for only the second time while they fucked for the who-knows-which time).

Josh’s lips were swollen red by the time they fell asleep together. They had continued kissing long after they had finished, as if to make up for the times they had carefully avoided making this any more meaningful. It wasn’t the hot, heavy kisses Tyler had expected, either. It was lazy, comfortable, like morning sex on a weekend with sunlight splayed out across them, slipping through gaps in the curtains. Or two people lying together as rain pattered the roof gently and they were warm and comfortable inside the shelter that was their bed. They were descending into dangerous territory, almost like a real relationship. It had been all along, but these kisses made it closer to what they were avoiding.

Tyler didn’t want it to stop. He wanted to be kissed like this every time they had sex. To have makeout sessions during movies they didn’t care about. To share chaste pecks as they passed each other in the corridor of their shared house. He wanted a real relationship with Josh, and sometimes Tyler’s cruel mind read into cues and assumed that Josh may want the same from Tyler.

***

He couldn't get his mind off the last time they slept together, the way they had kissed (which Josh had initiated, not Tyler, the wistful part of his brain recalled). For so long, he had been trying to figure out why Josh was doing this with him, if it was the convenient sex or if he was as foolish as Tyler was, messing around with his crush. The kissing let him think that maybe, just maybe, they were more than just friends (or friends with benefits, or bandmates that sometimes got each other off, or best friends).

He was as sure as he could be without Josh straight-out telling him. The other half of his mind, the part that enjoyed doubt, would remind him of the things Josh said about keeping it casual, about sleeping with others. But then the other night, Josh had kissed him, and his lips had ended up swollen, had parted so easily for him, so needy for Tyler’s touch. Not the kind of needy he was used to, either; not the 'touch me get inside me please', but just appreciative of being together. That was real, and that was not something ‘just friends’ did. Falling asleep in the same bed, naked and sweaty and smiling, crossed that line. 

The kissing was enough for Tyler to convince himself to talk to Josh, reaffirm the boundaries (if there were any left). It was enough to leave him sitting on the couch in the new house Josh had bought near Columbus, both tired from hours of moving boxes and unpacking, or worse yet, putting together flat-pack furniture.

Josh was sat right beside Tyler, testing out the TV, but Tyler didn’t look at him quite yet. Instead, he surveyed the work they had done. He was nervous as frick, knowing what he was about to do, but ready to see if this boy would be his.

"Uh, Josh?" he asked. The man in question was sitting cross-legged, slumped back and picking at the seams of the couch with the hand he had slung behind Tyler's back.

At Tyler's voice, he folded his hands in his lap, with an absent apology for already trying to ruin his new furniture.

"No, it's not about that. It's about, um, y'know that thing we do?"

"Sex?" Josh asked, amused by how Tyler danced around the subject, but still turning rose at the mention.

"Yeah. Sex," Tyler confirmed. If he wasn't quite so nervous, he might have laughed at how bad they were at talking about this. "Just- are you, like, having sex with people? People who aren't me?"

There was an added tenseness to Josh's shoulders, an unhappy crease in his forehead. "Why's it matter?"

"Well, we have sex. I should know," Tyler said. He couldn't say, _’Because I want so badly for you to be mine and mine alone.’_ He needed Josh to tell him first, to say that Tyler was the only one to see him fall apart underneath him. The only one earning the moans and kisses on the neck. Even if he was pretty sure Josh was only having sex with him lately, Tyler didn’t want to look like a fool.

"Well. Yeah," he said, turning his head to face the newly-installed TV instead of Tyler. With his eyes still fixed straight ahead, he picked up the remote and began to fiddle with the buttons, tracing them and pulling at them. If he wasn't so polite, Tyler was sure Josh would turn up the volume to be able to ignore Tyler from now on. Tyler almost wished he would, to drown out his thundering thoughts.

Of course there were other people. Josh was too beautiful to be Tyler’s alone.

"What?" If Josh would bother to look at him, he would see how much Tyler ached. He didn't bother, though, only frowned and stared harder at the programme Tyler was sure he couldn't even name. "You're- you're having sex with other people?"

Josh shrugged, thumb hovering over the button to turn up the volume. "Yeah! You said we could sleep around if we wanted. We use protection anyway, so we’re safe. Why're you even asking, Tyler?"

Tyler laughed, a bit too late and far too mechanical. It was dinner party laughter, at best. "Just, um, just checking. Curious, I guess."

The conversation seemed to have met an awkward end, until Josh spoke up. "Do you?"

Tyler's face twitched. No, no he didn't, because Josh was the only person he wanted, and he shouldn't have let this become a regular thing. "Yeah, a few."

Josh glanced his way. "Good." His grin was wide, but his eyes didn’t wrinkle up as they normally did.

The following silence was long enough to let Tyler speak up if he wanted to, but he did not. The volume of the TV was finally turned up, and Tyler excused himself soon afterwards. Getting his hopes up was always the worst thing he did to himself, but he could never stop himself, could never control himself well enough. It was all he could do to carefully dodge falling in love with Josh. He had been too busy focussing on that to prepare himself for the pain of Josh admitting he was having sex with other people.

But, no, it wasn’t even an admission, it was just a confirmation of something Tyler should have known all along. Right when they had started this, Josh had made sure they weren’t exclusive. Josh had never been satisfied with Tyler alone, and letting himself believe otherwise was past optimistic and straight into delusional territory. He was just too absorbed in his fantasies to admit it.

 _Hamartia_ was a word Tyler had heard thrown around once or twice. A fatal flaw, something to bring about his eventual downfall. Loving Josh too much was Tyler’s hamartia, he decided. Or, no, that was wrong. It was his stubbornness, his desperation to hide the truth from himself if it would only let him cling onto what he wanted to believe.

No matter what, Tyler refused to think loving Josh could be a flaw. It just sometimes hurt a lot.

***

Tyler found someone else to have sex with after that, but it felt too wrong to seal the deal. Even though he had confirmation that Josh wasn’t as tied to him as he hoped, Tyler couldn’t shake the feeling that sleeping with other people was a betrayal of what they had. What he should really do is just stop having sex with Josh.

After the awkward conversation at Josh's house the previous night, things had gone back to normal. They seemingly forgot about it, talking and giggling like normal, leaning on each other like any other day. If Tyler let himself remember, it burnt to think of someone else with his boy (touching, kissing, entering him). He should stop thinking of Josh like that, like his. At some point, he would deal with this.

Tyler had been thinking through his options on how to fix everything, because he knew he couldn’t carry on with his jealousy, possibly resenting Josh for reasons his friend couldn’t understand. There were some options, but the most obvious were: to break off this agreement with Josh, or to straight-up just ask Josh to stop having sex with other people and date him officially. Of course, neither was as easy as it sounded.

If Tyler had never had sex with Josh that first time, it would have been easy to carry on his whole life without acting upon his feelings. But he had seen that sexual side of him now, Josh tasted better than anyone else Tyler had ever slept with. With Josh, they had already learnt each other inside and out by the first time they had slept together. It was natural, comfortable, easy, and if Tyler was honest, _really good sex_. The perfect balance between rough and sweet. Sex that came only with someone you trusted and knew completely. The best he had ever had. 

Breaking this off was almost out of the question, because it would tear Tyler apart to never have Josh like that again.

Tyler’s love advice to his friends and siblings was to not beat around the bush. Just ask people out and stop worrying about the consequences so much. It was different in this situation, because Josh had actually told him that he was having sex with other people. He couldn’t possibly need about Tyler that much if still decided to get with other people, but, well. This was Tyler and Josh. TylerandJosh. He would hate it if he managed to drive Josh away from him for a while, but in the end, it would only ever be for a little while. They needed each other too much. It was why they were able to remain friends while having sex, why Tyler had felt comfortable asking Josh if he was attracted to him, and why, no matter what, they hadn’t gone more than a week without talking to each other since they had established themselves as best friends.

If Tyler told Josh he didn’t want him to have sex with other people, and Josh said no, they would move past it. If Josh didn’t return Tyler’s feelings, that would break his heart, but he had survived that before and they would get past it. Maybe they would continue to have sex, but at least Tyler would know he could never be the only one Josh used to keep his bed warm at night.

***

Tyler didn’t bring it up with Josh. He was waiting for the ideal time to say it (never).

And, well- at first, Tyler had thought the best way to deal with this was to try to talk to Josh about becoming exclusive. About _dating_. But he was kidding himself, wasn’t he? Josh was hooking up with other people. That was not the act of a man in love with Tyler. That was the act of someone who liked having sex, who was humouring Tyler only because he was convenient. Trying to date Josh- maybe it wasn’t the best idea.

Josh walked into the sitting room with a can in his hand, and Tyler had it decided.

“Hey Josh, I’m heading out,” he said, standing and picking up his jacket from where it was slung over the sofa arm.

“Where’re you going?”

Tyler shrugged. “Gay club? Wanna pick up a cute boy.” It was true, he did want to pick up a cute boy, or one boy in particular. If he wanted, he could have sex with his boy right then and there on the couch. Josh had only said no once, because he was watching Game of Thrones and it was getting dramatic, so in all likelihood he would be down for whatever Tyler wanted, as long as those things he wanted were sex, nothing more. 

But Tyler didn’t want sex with Josh, he wanted dating and handholding and kissing- everything that went along with it. Their kisses had been sweet but, at the end of it all, it was just sex. If he was going to have meaningless sex, he would prefer to have it with a stranger so it wouldn’t masquerade as anything deeper.

Josh hadn’t responded to Tyler yet. He was fidgeting.

“You okay, Josh?”

With a nod, Josh smiled. “Mind if I come along?”

He wasn’t allowed to be upset just because Josh agreed to this so willingly. Josh was allowed to have sex with other people, and when Tyler was also going to have sex with other people (in fact, he suggested it) then he didn’t have a right. “Yeah! That’ll be great, let’s go.”

Josh collected his own jacket and they headed out, saying little to each other. There was a sense that Tyler had done something wrong, evident in the way Josh didn’t stand too close to him, didn’t talk to him, stared off pensively. He didn’t know what his mistake was, and he didn’t want to talk about it. They were walking into that club because they wanted to have sex with strangers, and Tyler wanted to forget Josh. Now was not the time for it, he would fix it later.

It didn’t take too long for Tyler to catch the eye of a pretty boy sitting at the bar, a cocktail in his hand. He gave Josh a nudge and tilted his head towards the guy before he moved towards him, noting Josh’s frown as he left.

The guy was pretty, though maybe too similar to Josh, the biggest difference being that this guy had darker skin, deep and golden. His hair was shaved short at the sides, dark brown, and dyed silvered blue where it was brushed back into a smooth quiff. The guy was wearing a navy shirt and light makeup. He had dark eyeliner and a shimmer of eyeshadow. In the dim lighting, it was hard to be sure whether or not he had any lipstick on, but it looked like he might. Either way, his lips were a beautiful soft pink, plump and peachy. Tyler wanted to bite into them, kiss him and thrust into him until no thoughts of Josh echoed in his mind.

“Hey,” Tyler said, walking up to the man and trying on what he hoped to be a seductive smirk. His heart was pounding, and he was terrified a fan would see him, but he wanted to do this. “Mind if I sit beside you?”

“Only if you let me buy you a drink,” the guy returned.

“Sure. Diet coke, if that’s okay. I don’t drink,” he said. In the movies, no one said that to someone they wanted to hook up with. He was surely making a fool of himself, but the man just smiled and ordered for him.

“My name’s Matt,” he said, holding out a hand to Tyler.

“Tyler.” He shook the guy’s hand, and wanted to blush when Matt held on for too long, trailing his fingers down Tyler’s wrist and across his palm when he finally released him. This was not Josh. Josh drew a clear line between what was appropriate when they were having sex and what was appropriate when they were just being friends. This wouldn’t happen with Josh- there was no flirting with him, no teasing touches trailing down his arm. It was, _’Wanna have sex?’_ and if the answer was yes, Tyler could slip his hands under Josh’s shirt and suck hickeys onto his collarbones as they grinded against each other.

It had been a long time since Tyler had done the whole ‘picking someone up from a bar’ thing, but he was pretty sure it didn’t usually include so much thinking about ways in which the guy was different to his best friend. Then again, Tyler was no expert.

They chatted, small talk mixed with Matt’s playful flirting, and Tyler stopped comparing him to Josh and let himself slip into a character that wasn’t quite himself. He was no longer Tyler Joseph, musician and best friend of Josh Dun, he was now Just Tyler, who often went to gay bars to pick up cute boys, who dragged them back to cheap hotels and shared rough kisses with them. His nerves faded away and he leaned to kiss Matt, who smirked as they kissed and tasted faintly of fruit and alcohol. It was not a taste that Tyler enjoyed, but he could stand it when the man he was kissing was so beautiful.

Tyler Joseph protested from the part of his mind where Just Tyler had pushed him into. It didn’t feel right, because Tyler Joseph shouldn’t be kissing anyone but Josh, Josh who was probably somewhere else in this bar, kissing his own pretty boy. Would he kiss them? Was it alright to kiss them if they weren’t his best friend?

Just Tyler shoved Tyler Joseph away. Matt was suggesting they leave, holding out a hand as he stood. It made his pulse race again to think he was going to do this. They squeezed past dancers, Matt pressing close to Tyler’s back, and out of the club. “So, where we-” Tyler began to ask, interrupted as Josh walked out the door and tugged on Tyler’s sleeve.

“We have to go,” Josh said, jaw firm, pulling his jacket to cover his hands.

Tyler looked at Matt, whose hand he was still holding, and whose thigh was pressed against the back of his as they stood too close. “Uh, Josh?” Tyler asked, looking apologetically at Matt as he let go of his hand and stepped closer to Josh. “Are you okay?”

“We have to go. Now.”

A part of Tyler was frustrated at his best friend for pulling him away from Matt, but that was selfish, and he had been afraid anyway. He would’ve enjoyed it, he was sure, but it wouldn’t feel right. He was envious that Josh could do this all casually, not worrying about feelings for Tyler or if it would end up awkward or if he would be outed.

Tyler looked to Matt. “I’m sorry,” he said. It was genuine: the guy had spent time and money, and now Tyler was walking away with another man who had popped up out of nowhere. Josh was always going to be Tyler’s priority.

“It’s okay, it was nice,” Matt said. There was a smile on his lips, even if it was somewhat tense, undeniably disappointed.

Tyler held up his hand in a wave before he was walking after Josh, who had started moving before Tyler had finished apologising to Matt.

“Josh. What happened?” he asked, jogging to keep up until Josh slowed.

“It’s- it’s nothing, I’ll tell you when we get home,” Josh deflected, then rushed to add on, “I’m not sick or anything. Don’t worry.”

***

It wasn’t until they got back to Josh’s house and sat down that Josh agreed to explain what was wrong. Even then, he was timid, reluctant.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Josh said, hands folded in his lap, one finger tracing a scratch he had gotten from a stray cat a few days ago.

“No, Josh, it’s okay,” Tyler insisted. “Whatever was wrong, Matt was just some guy and you’re my best friend.”

Josh sighed, brushing a hand through his hair. “There wasn’t- like, I wasn’t getting hurt or anything. I just. You were picking up someone and I- I didn’t want you to.”

That was a curveball, if Tyler ever saw one. “You didn’t want me to pick up Matt?” Tyler asked. From confused, he quickly went to angry injustice. “You can’t be mad at me for that. You have sex with other people. I would have used a condom.”

Again, Josh’s hands unclasped to fix his hair. “Ty. I was lying.”

Back to confusion. “Lying about… what?”

“The- the other people. I haven’t had sex with anyone but you since we started doing this,” Josh admitted, and Tyler’s throat was swelling up with something. Confusion or sadness or joy or fear. He didn’t say anything, it would come out choked off. “I didn’t want you to think I was, like. I don’t know. In love with you.”

“Because you’re not in love with me?”

Josh hesitated. “I don’t know. Are you?”

He wasn’t sure. Maybe, quite possibly, but he couldn’t tell when he was trying to fight it down and forget about it and it was mixed with all this sex and uncertainty. “I don’t know,” he said. “But I didn’t like thinking about you being with other people. And I didn’t really want to have sex with Matt. And… I liked kissing you.”

Josh’s lips quirked into a private smile. “I liked kissing you. Didn’t think you would like it though, and I didn’t want to. Y’know. Mess up our friendship.”

It was either a frustration or a relief, working this all out. They were an uncoordinated mess, sometimes. Like some pantomime, everyone shouting, “He’s behind you!” but never quite turning fast enough to figure out they felt the same way.

“I would like to be exclusive with you. I’d like to try dating you,” Tyler said. It sounded too formal, but he didn’t know how else to say it.

Josh was grinning pretty sunshine rays at Tyler. “We can kiss? When we’re dating?”

Tyler nodded, head hardly able to move before Josh had a handful of Tyler’s shirt, requesting him to come closer with a soft tug. With Tyler’s compliance, Josh pressed a kiss to Tyler’s lips. It wasn’t as deep as they had kissed last time, and Tyler preferred it that way. It felt like a realer first kiss; testing, curious, excited.

“Then yeah, let’s do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> anyway waddup a coupla paragraphs were also inspired by [war of hearts by ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49ZhrgtR-S4) which is a gr8 song. ((n if u like malec im writing a malec fic where they have lots of drunk sex and unresolved sexual tension))


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